Windsor Counselling Services

Lindsay Laing, MA, RSW, RP, ICCAC, TITC-CT

Obesity, the Mother Wound, and the Deeper Roots of Healing

When we think about obesity, the focus often turns to food, exercise, or medical explanations. While these are important pieces of the picture, they don’t always capture the whole truth. For many people, weight struggles are not just about the body—they’re also about the heart, the psyche, and even the spirit. Exploring the role of the mother wound, mother hunger, and the impact of having a judgmental or critical mother reveals another layer of understanding.

The Mother Wound and Emotional Weight

The mother wound refers to the emotional pain carried by those who did not feel fully nurtured, accepted, or emotionally safe with their mothers. This wound may show up as perfectionism, low self-worth, difficulty trusting, or a sense of never being “enough.” For some, food becomes a substitute for the love and comfort they longed for but never fully received. The body, in turn, carries the weight of that unmet need.

Mother Hunger and Emotional Eating

Psychotherapist Kelly McDaniel coined the term mother hunger to describe the deep yearning for nurturing, protection, and guidance that many people lacked in their earliest years. When these needs are unmet, the hunger doesn’t go away—it simply shifts form. For many, food becomes the most accessible, reliable source of soothing. Emotional eating can become a way of unconsciously trying to fill the void left by the absence of maternal care and attunement.

Living With a Judgmental Mother

Growing up with a mother who was critical, judgmental, or shaming often creates a complicated relationship with the body. A child may internalize the belief that they are flawed, unworthy, or “too much.” In adulthood, this can manifest as self-criticism, difficulty setting boundaries, and using weight either as protection or as evidence of unworthiness. Carrying extra weight can sometimes feel like wearing invisible armor against rejection, scrutiny, or further judgment.

The Metaphysical Perspective on Obesity

On a metaphysical level, obesity is sometimes understood as a manifestation of carrying unresolved emotional burdens.

Extra weight may symbolize:

Protection: The body creates a physical barrier against vulnerability, intimacy, or harm.

Grounding: The heaviness anchors someone who feels unsafe, unmoored, or disconnected.

Unprocessed grief: Emotional pain—particularly related to the mother wound—can accumulate in the body when it has no outlet.

Suppressed needs: The body may hold the energy of desires, longings, or truths that were never allowed to be expressed.

From this lens, obesity is not a failure of willpower—it is the body’s way of protecting, stabilizing, and expressing unspoken pain.

Pathways Toward Healing

Healing from obesity in this context often involves much more than changing eating habits. It calls for addressing the root causes of emotional hunger and releasing the weight of old wounds. Some supportive steps include:

Therapy for attachment wounds to untangle the dynamics with one’s mother.

Compassion practices that replace judgment with gentleness.

Somatic work to release emotions stored in the body.

Spiritual or metaphysical practices that bring a sense of wholeness and connection.

A Gentle Reframe

When viewed through the lens of the mother wound, obesity can be reframed as an intelligent response to unmet needs rather than a sign of weakness. The body is always trying to keep us safe, even if its strategies are imperfect. Recognizing this allows us to move away from shame and toward compassion, understanding, and true healing.

For many, addressing obesity means addressing not just what they eat, but what they feel. Healing the mother wound, soothing mother hunger, and freeing the body from judgment can create space for transformation—inside and out.